just thoughts

woke up with the feeling of stress and fear. later in the day, pushed it off—she’ll be fine. middle of the school—broke down. i knew holding it in wouldnt be so good  *sigh. rest of the day, i faked it. smiles were not from the heart today. afterschool, more crying. the talk was supposed to make me feel better and it did for a moment. then sadness flew back in. i didnt like today—not at all. headed straight for the shower. parents were coming home. (id prefer a poool but a bath is sooo not an option with this weather). later in the day, mom gives me a bomb saying im not going to sfstate. that theres a nursing school i can attend right away, money saved, time not wasted unlike many students now a days.i was hoping for sf state. she said i had a say on where i wanted to go…but i dont even know if i want nursing. maybe it’s just the feeling of today, not wanting to do anything. so who knows…

tears keep fallling today—it’s annoying. i wish i can control when i can start/stop. annoying. very annnoying.